Let a love magic professional share the truth with you.
It turns out it’s an old story - the one that invokes the words, “She bewitched my man!” Let’s take a serious look at how far magic can push people, how likely it is that your lover has been magicked, and what is lurking below the fear of a lover being taken.
THE STORY - HOW IT GOES… AND GOES….
It so often goes that a relationship is at the first stages of blooming, and it has been all the more incredible because our heroine didn’t think she could ever feel this way again. She wonders if they are soul mates because the connection has been so hot and heavy - so rapid and fiery. Her heart has been blown open, making this lover feel all the more special and rare because it’s been years since she felt anything close to this. How they are going to progress the relationship hasn’t been discussed yet, but she knows she wants his exclusive attention and focus. She wants commitment, but what he wants isn’t clear yet.
Then things start to go wrong, but if she’s honest with herself there was trouble before. He didn’t always do what he said he would do, he wouldn’t answer questions about what they 'are', he didn’t want to call her his girlfriend, avoided her calls some days, and then out of nowhere wanted to sext, but she didn't know why he was so changeable. There were a few times he even said cruel things to her. But for our heroine, she only noticed things going wrong when another woman entered the scene. That’s when he was even more inconsistent, seemed to want her even less, and was getting infatuated with this other person. Maybe the story goes that he pushes our heroine totally away or alternatively, she gets to see him less, or he’s more erratic and hard to pin down. There are many variations in the details of the core story. She chases him harder and he becomes more cruel and intent on avoiding her phone calls. She thinks that it can’t be really him talking - not so long ago he seemed to adore her, even love her. Then the feeling that this woman has bewitched her lover, and stolen him settles in. “Yes, it was black magic, a love spell, some kind of bewitchment that did it,” she thinks.
There are different versions, but essentially the tale goes that one partner continues to pine for the other, who is drifting away. The distant lover may be inconsistent about how much they seem to want closeness, sex or a relationship. Or the distant one may be insistent that they don’t want their lover anymore while they hotly pursue a new person. The partner that pines for the one rejecting them becomes convinced that magic has been used to steal them away. This conviction becomes all the more impassioned the more they find the behaviour of their lover surprising and out of the blue.
WHEN WITCHCRAFT IS AT PLAY
It’s important to address what magic can realistically do and what it may look like if a spell has been sent to your partner.
A witch with a different set of morals to me may do a spell that pushes the target very hard, basically forcing energy on a person in an effort to get them to feel a ‘love’ for another, but if it hits, it won’t last long. So, if a love spell was sent your partner’s way, and it actually affected them, they may become curious about a person they weren't before, or drawn to them in a way that comes on suddenly. But a spell does not explain them rejecting you or terminating the connection.
Your lover will not become a love zombie; having no will of their own anymore. Your lover will not become a totally different person. A spell can influence a person (if it is successful) but it can not permanently change who they are, and what they want.
As hard as that is, if they don't want a relationship with you anymore, listen to them. Even if you think witchcraft has been at play, you risk seriously violating someone's boundaries and autonomy if you insist on pursuing them. Possible bewitchment does not give you the license to ignore what someone is saying to you about what level of involvement they want with you. It would take entity possession for someone's will, goals and desires to be deeply influenced in such as way that the person wasn't fully themselves anymore. This is even rarer than love magic being performed and would need to be established by an expert in the field of spirit possession/spirit work before any claims can and should be made that this is happening. The presence, power, and commonality of possessions are hugely overblown. Keep that in mind.
Do not make claims that your partner or ex-lover has been possessed or has an entity attachment unless THEY have had this verified by a number of well-respected experts in the field. It's not your place to widely share what may or may not be happening in the energy field of someone else. Speak to a professional if you are concerned about this possibly being at play in your relationship. To learn more about spirits and how they operate I recommend this book.
If a spell has affected your partner then it can be cleansed and removed by an experienced magical practitioner. Taking salt baths and burning unbinding candles are also effective when it comes to reversing a love spell. Your partner needs to do this work themselves for the best effect.
I don’t advise that you try and get cleansing work on their behalf. This is a boundary violation. And people who are trying to get work either put on, or taken off another person without them knowing are often the same people using witchcraft as an excuse for their relationship breakdown rather than looking at their relationship dynamic honestly. So be really honest with yourself about your motivations if you are tempted to get spells done on someone else's behalf. Remember, it is not your responsiblity or right to clean up someone else's aura for them. If there was some compelling evidence that magic may have been used against your partner, this is when I would reach for my tarot deck to verify that this level of magic was being bombarded at your lover. Remember, people who have the level of proficiency to be able to do this kind of magic effectively are on the rarer side. But a practitioner of magic or tarot reader can look into this for you.
Every witchy looking-woman (or person) does not have the ability to weave incredible magic.
Something to consider is that a person has to be pretty weak-willed to be influenced by a love spell, especially if they weren’t interested in that person before the love spell was cast. So there are a few issues here if your lover is straying. If magic was influencing this, I would be quite concerned about how potentially weak-willed your lover is as a person. I would also question how strong their attachment was to you in the first place if they strayed so easily.
Magic or not, if your lover strays very easily there's serious questions that needs to be asked here about how faithful they are, and how well they know themselves and what they want.
How strong was their commitment to the relationship in the first place if they became infatuated with another person to the total exclusion of your connection? This question comes to mind when our partner or love interest drifts away, but it can be really scary to really look at this. When we refuse to ask the deep, and essential questions; that is when we are likely to exaggerate what magic can do.
Getting a reading done by a professional can be very useful to sort out if witchcraft has been used against your lover and how much it may have had an influence. Often we need this answered before we can be honest with ourselves about the way the worry about witches may mask the real fear - that this person we love hasn’t been faithful or committed. WHAT SPELLS CAN REALISTICALLY DO
Not only are capable witchcraft practitioners far rarer than the number of people saying they are adept witches online, but even a powerful and properly done spell can’t permanently take away the free will of the intended target. Even the most manipulative spell done with the intent to take away your boyfriend’s love for you and replace it with an infatuation for another, can’t last indefinitely. Spells decay just as energy does.
An illusion can only last so long, so it would take an enormous amount of effort for a witch to keep up performing love spells on your partner. So not only is it unlikely this is happening, as capable and disciplined witches who have this power are less likely to use their power for such exhausting, and petty projects, but most love spells don’t land. Take it from someone who has been doing them full-time, for clients for over five years. Granted, I was doing a less powerful form of witchcraft, I was making sure to not glamour people but invite the target into deeper love with my client, but people know how they feel and what they want. And if they don’t want to go deeper with someone they really won’t.
Love spells are such a waste of time if you are trying to convince someone to love you - it really doesn’t work out. I know. I’ve seen it fail over and over.
When we declare that someone is ‘mine’ or ‘they were stolen from me’, this language implies not only ownership over another person, which is troublesome but that they are more akin to an object that can be passively taken from another. In the modern dating scene, people chose their partners, they are not bartered or traded away as objects. But we can default to speaking about our lover or ex like they are passive or lacking in any autonomy when there are accusations of witchcraft going around. Whether it is known or not that a common love spell does not turn your lover into a zombie that only has eyes for the person who performed the spell. What is clear is that in rejecting the autonomy and will of our partner we are rejecting having to see them in the full light of their decisions.
Putting the blame on the siren call of ‘the other women’ instead of acknowledging your partner’s part to play in their cheating or betrayal is a way to protect yourself from seeing the reality of your partner’s autonomy. Because if you did see it, the relationship might be over. The love you have for them may not be able to survive the hurt.
WHEN MEDDLING DOES HAPPEN
It is devastating to have your love smashed by others, and I do acknowledge that this happens, but most often through arranged marriages and deep pressures that are tied to cultural expectations around family. The pressure for some folks to marry or date who their parents or grandparents wish them to is very real, and there are very serious social consequences for these people if they pick their own partners. This is the most common form of meddling that I see break up established couples.
If someone meddles in your relationship, be it family or friends who don’t support your relationship or through pressure on your partner to abandon you, the greater issue here is that your partner caved to these pressures. Your relationship was never going to be fine if your lover was the kind of person who can’t have boundaries, can’t differentiate themselves from the whispers and cajoling of others, or is under such pressure that to refuse their parents' wishes around marriage/dating would be to be abandoned by their family.
THE QUESTIONS THAT LURK BELOW THE WITCHCRAFT
It’s important to remember how our mind works when we feel our love is under threat. We hold onto our lovers with more fierceness if it looks like someone else wants to play with them. If we are monogynous or feel that love is finite and there won’t be enough for us if our partner has feelings for another, then our partner’s interest in another person feels threatening.
Maybe your partner has started ignoring you in favour of another - this makes the feeling that there isn’t enough love for you very real. But by blaming the bewitchment of another as the reason that this is happening, there is the real potential that you are running from the fact that your partner may just not be as committed to your (monogamous) relationship as you thought or hoped they would be. This is what needs to be looked at. This is what needs to be assessed more than anything else. Here are some additional key questions to ask if your partner is straying, cheating, rejecting you, or has cut you off.
Is this person right for you if they so easily abandon your connection?
Are they treating you how you want to be treated?
Does the conviction that it’s a witch’s fault things are going wrong cover up your partner’s ongoing bad behaviour?
Has this person always treated you with respect?
Are they committed in the same way you are?
Does your partner know your needs and wants?
Do they know you want monogamy or are feeling abandoned?
Have you placed a lot of expectations and hope on a fledgling relationship before trust and commitment were established?
Did they even commit to the same style of monogamy or commitment that you want?
Delving into a full-on forensic investigation into whether that newcomer your partner is hot for, is a witch is often a distraction from these much more threatening questions and their possible answers. But the answers will set you free.
THE SIGNS
If your partner's rejection of you and subsequent desire to pursue someone new was a shock to you, then it becomes easier to believe that someone changed them; or someone influenced them. But if you aren’t adept at working out who is a safe person, and who isn’t then you may have missed the signs that your love interest was giving you concerning who they are, and how trustworthy they are as a person. If you aren’t experienced in this area or you are in denial regarding the red flags that were already showing up in the connection then it may be shocking when their behaviour becomes so extreme you can’t ignore it. It may feel like they became a totally different person, but unless they were deliberately hiding who they are or their intentions, then they are actually the same person you just weren’t able to see it. It’s a process to learn how to read people well and to believe (not ignore) what someone is showing you about how trustworthy, kind, or committed they are (or aren’t).
If any of these elements were a factor for you, then you are more likely to be susceptible to thinking your lover has become a whole new person once the rejection became too big for you to ignore. But be honest with yourself, have there been ongoing issues with them being noncommittal? With cheating? With ignoring your wants or needs? Had they mentioned that they can’t be monogamous but you were hoping that would change? It is most likely that there have been signs or issues before but you weren’t able to see them in full.
Sometimes, we are still surprised by the actions of our lovers. We can’t predict everything. When, for whatever reason, our lover pushes us away, it’s excruciating work trying to figure out what happened, what went wrong, why they don’t want the relationship anymore, and why it was so sudden. When we don’t see it coming, it’s brutal and can be traumatic. You can help yourself by looking back at the connection and being really honest with yourself about what was working and what wasn’t. Were they telling you in various ways that they weren’t trustworthy? It’s harder when there weren’t any signs to pick up on and your partner just doesn’t want to continue with the connection. It’s a journey to accept that sometimes people just don’t want a relationship with us any longer but that we are still loveable.
It’s a journey to accept that sometimes people just don’t want a relationship with us any longer but that we are still loveable.
BELIEFS AROUND LOVE
Knowing that someone you love betrayed and rejected you is deeply painful. When your sense of how loveable or worthy they are is caught up in how your lover treats you, then there is even more emotional incentive to avoid the reality of your lover’s choices. But it keeps you from healing, from growth, from working out how to love yourself despite rejection and the poor behaviour of others. Avoidance also keeps you trapped in a romance with someone who either wants totally different things or has shown themselves to be untrustworthy.
Maybe the part of the story where the heroine fights off the new love interest in an attempt to keep their partner close also mirrors your own journey. We do this in order to try and control what is unfolding. Fighting to win the love of a paramour is a potent sign that you believe that you aren’t worthy of love, of commitment, of someone coming towards you in an easeful and reciprocal manner. This behaviour reveals that you feel you must prove your worth, must earn love, must battle for it, and that love can’t possibly be easy. But deep, mature, genuine love can only be given - commitment and fidelity can’t be forced or made to happen. You can’t make someone love you through love spells or through fighting for them.
But deep, mature, genuine love can only be given - commitment and fidelity can’t be forced or made to happen. You can’t make someone love you through love spells or through fighting for them.
A major reason why I stopped doing love spells is that people were so often actually seeking to force love to happen rather than facing patterns of intimacy avoidance and chasing unavailable people. If this is you, or you suspect it might be, you can work on this. There are resources that can help you. Click here and here to explore some recommendations.
"BUT I ONLY WANT HIM (HER/THEM)"
Inside the insistence that ‘they are mine!’ And ‘I don’t want anyone but him!’ is the stubborn holding on to what we feel might never come back to us if we let go.
It’s a deep journey to heal this, to heal all the parts that lead us to this place of resistance and excuse. But facing what is under these defenses is the key to changing your lived experience of deprivation, emotional neglect, isolation, of disconnection from your community, or the people who should have been your stable sources of love (like your parents). This is what needs your attention.
No relationship is so special that you should tolerate mistreatment in order to keep this love in your life. But it often happens when we feel that love and connection are rare, or we have had a lived experience that created this belief in love being very limited. This is when we are more likely to excuse our lover’s failings and fight real or perceived threats in order to stay connected to them. It takes deliberate healing work to get out of the kind of mindset that traps people in dysfunctional relationships. But it's necessary work so that you can free yourself from those that betray you, who don't want the same things, or who don’t match your level of commitment to the relationship. It’s time to address your belief in your unworthiness and your experience of deprivation that has you clinging to the crumbs of love.
Notions of soul mates and twin flames keep folks trapped and tolerating low-quality partners because they believe that they are meant to be. The more we elevate a powerful connection the more we are trapped by it.Love is not enough on its own.
If your partner is unwilling to change their behaviour and work on repairing the connection, either through dedicated work or couples therapy, then the connection probably needs to be allowed to die. Love is not enough, there needs to be mutual respect, shared values, and time spent, by both people in the relationship, nurturing the commitment.
No matter how much you love the person that blasted your heart open and made you feel again where before your heart space felt barren, will make your relationship last. If they are blowing things up through cruelty, abandonment or cheating, then your future together will die, and probably it should. They are a poor imitation of the love you need.
Honour what your lover has awakened in you - the lust, the love, the desire, even the anguish. Even difficult lovers that fail us, can connect us with a taste of the love we so deeply need. Hold onto what they gave you without clinging to them. Hold onto the beautiful parts of the connection and the special feelings they inspired in you, but remember people connect us to the flow of love, but they are not themselves the source of love. There is boundless love in the earth, in the trees, in the forest spirits, in your animal guides, in other humans, in faithful friends, in passing lovers, in animal companions, in moments of lust with a stranger, in the way cicadas sing, in the way nature holds and guides us, in the bond we forge with ancestral spirits. For so many of us we have been disconnected from these kinds of love, but finding a way back to them - especially our foundation of love and support from the spirit of the earth and all her elements - is crucial for finding wholeness. Mother Earth teaches us that love is infinite; it is not a finite resource.
THE TAKEAWAY
Blaming an outside influence for all of your relationship issues, or the entirety of your relationship breakdown does a number of things. It keeps you from seeing the way that your partner inevitably contributed to how things ended or went wrong. As a spell expert, I can tell you that it’s an exaggeration of magic’s abilities to say that a spell or meddlesome woman entirely created your relationship breakdown. It is often those that know magic the least who jump to this conclusion. This jump to spells as an explanation so often comes from the very human, vulnerable place of wanting to place the lover, or ex in an entirely positive light so that the rejected party doesn't have to critique the faults of their partner. Doing this shifts all their rage and hurt onto a spell caster, or third party. This functions to protect the romantic relationship. But in doing so, this leads these people astray. This keeps them bound to a narrative that their partner is perfect and it was only through the doing of someone else that they broke up and things went wrong. When someone is in denial about their partner's contributions to the relationship breakdown, or the issues that were already well established before the threat of a third party came into play, they are even more likely to blame witchcraft as a scapegoat. But the reality of the quality and security of the relationship is the real issue.
When witchcraft has played a part in relationship issues, it can be dealt with in a straightforward manner by an experienced practitioner of magic. But magic shouldn’t be used as an excuse to stay stuck in blaming other elements or people for the relationship breakdown. The hard, but fruitful questions around compatibility and faithfulness are waiting for you to seek them out. That's what needs their attention more than worry about magical attacks and witchy women.
- Rachael the Omen Witch
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